Self-Mastery, Humility, and Spiritual Methods

The best way to learn self mastery is to witness it in others. 

The opening icebreaker really drove this point home.  Several of us mentioned learning self-mastery from a parent or a coach, in our youth.  The common denominator in all cases was a life that was God-centered, an ability to accept hardship and challenges as just part of what living is (rather than an existential crisis that is somehow “unfair”.)  All of these role models exhibited a deep and abiding love for others for whom a self-mastery driven sacrifice was being made.  Have I prayed lately to that role model of mine, now up in heaven?  Have I compared a current challenge I’m struggling with to ones he/she encountered?  Have I asked, “How would Dad have addressed this?”

Self-mastery takes humility. 

Part of self-mastery is accepting that I am not in fact the center of the universe, and no, I can’t have it my way all the time.  Humility is called for, the great foundational virtue we study almost every year.  Some of us were particularly struck by one of our brother’s comments that he’s learning self-mastery from his son.  Stepping back and observing our sons and daughters through than own struggles in life, how often have we considered that not only do we have an obligation to continue to coach them, but also to learn from them?

The “Holy Spirit” method tends to work better than the alternative. 

For most of us “Type A’s”, the go to method to self-master our way through a problem is to “white knuckle” it; just bear down, grit our teeth, and make it happen.  Given that we are part of a small sample of individuals who have largely white knuckled their way to the top 1%, this instinct is not without merit.  However, especially in the spiritual life, the white knuckle method doesn’t always work, however practiced we are at it.  The Devil is a formidable foe, and as St Paul often advised, fighting him is a battle which requires “the armor of God.”  (Ephesians 6:10)  And even if we can white knuckle through it, we often in the process lose the very joy in our hearts that is the fuel of the spiritual life.  So instead, we need to lean into “the Holy Spirit method”.  Let the Spirit guide us, give us the grace to move to the next level.  Prayer and the sacraments are a great way to let the Holy Spirit in.  Another, related way is Adoration, which a few of us brought up as a very potent weapon in the spiritual life.  Are we taking full advantage of the weapons on offer by the Church to get to heaven?

A “time out” is very acceptable. 

One of us mentioned that sometimes, when really pressed to the wall and about to respond to someone with anger (even if “deserved”), he’ll call a “time out”:  “Let’s take a break and come back tomorrow to address this.”  Remarkably, when we do that, it can be very disarming to the individual who’s sparked the problem, and it gives both you and them time to cool down and re-think about what’s really important.  Are we using our freedom to call “time”, instead of rushing to respond to an inflammatory issue?

Be perfect in the battle, whatever the outcome. 

The charge to “Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Mt 5:48) seems a bit daunting on the surface.  But as we explored this aspect of our spiritual lives, we came to  a deeper understanding of what Jesus was asking.  Knowing that we are flawed human beings, Jesus does not ask us to be God on earth.  That is impossible for those born  with original sin.  However, what we can be perfect in is in the pursuit of perfection.  In the words of another Lumen chaplain, “It’s not how many times you fall down.  It’s how many times you get back up.”  That’s the race that Paul himself was training for, the race for heaven.  (1 Corinthians 9:25-27)

The Martyrdom of St. Matthew, Caravaggio 1599-1600

Develop the habit of reaching for the Good. 

The Art Corner helped us reflect on the life of St. Matthew, who started his journey in a dark place and initially assumed Jesus’ call for him was a “wrong number.”  Over the years, he developed a personal relationship with the Lord, and then, after His Crucifixion, with the Holy Spirit through a lifetime of preaching the word and evangelizing others.  As he overcame challenges, stumbled but then got back up, and somehow kept moving forward, he gradually developed the habit of mastering his desires of the flesh and staying focused on the treasures of heaven.  Those habits prepared him for his final moments on earth, when he had no time to think but needed to be guided by his muscle memory.  It worked.  At the critical moment, rather than defend himself from the sword pointed at his chest, he instead reached for the branch of victory, of martyrdom, offered by God’s angel.  She carried him by that palm branch to heaven.  When our final moment comes, will we have instilled in ourselves, through practice and prayer, the instincts we will need to get to Heaven:  self-mastery, humility, and yes, Love?

Resolution:  We will all try to get to Adoration for silent prayer with Jesus sometime this week before our next circle with our wives.