The Art of Temperance

With nearly 30 of us in attendance (thank you Jay and Sarah!), along with our leader and protector, the Holy Spirit, our exploration of the virtue of temperance was mysteriously rich and profound.  Here are my notes.

“Temperance” is a pro-active virtue, not a reactive one; it’s more about what I do and not what I don’t do. 

Catholics are known for dragging themselves through the mud, saying “no” to everything that’s remotely “fun”, for being, well, “Puritanical.”  (Funny how we got tagged with a moniker that originally belonged to our Protestant brothers and sisters.)  But as we studied and reflected on the various readings for tonight’s circle, we came to realize that temperance is more about what we do, not what we don’t do.  Temperance does not mean cutting ourselves off from the world, withdrawing to a cave, and starving ourselves in the desert.  Although this form of spiritual penance can be fruitful for some, the reality is that most of us are called to exercise temperance while engaging with the world, not running from it.  Jesus himself taught us this.  At Cana.  At Emmaus.  As the houses of Peter, of Matthew, of Mary and Martha, of Zacchaeus, of the Pharisee.  Socializing with others over a glass of wine or a good meal can often be the path to bringing them a step further in their own spiritual journey; the intimacy of breaking bread with others is often the perfect venue for deepening relationships in Christ.  Rather than treating the world as black and white, “off” and “on”, we need to participate in it while not allowing ourselves to be captive to it.  This is tricky business.  It requires discipline, for sure.  Self mastery, yes.  Discernment, absolutely.  But as the discussion progressed, we realized this form of temperance requires more than all of this. 

Jesus is here to help.

Jesus is the source of temperance, and allowing Him to work within us is the path.  In the icebreaker, a common denominator of the discussion was the importance of prayer to our practice of this virtue.  By starting our days in prayer, and centering on Christ, dealing with the temptations to “overdo it” with the things of the world becomes that much easier.  That’s also why making time for some additional prayer during the course of the day (what one of us called “JC Time”), even if only for 10 minutes, can help us re-center and refocus.  A quick prayer the ladies suggested for this purpose was “Empty me.  Fill me. Use me.”  The men zeroed in on a simple prayer for each morning, known as the Serenity Prayer:  “Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Surround yourself with good friends, and even better, with a good wife. 

This essential element to success in the art of temperance came up throughout the evening.  For the men especially, most noted at some point the critical influence of their wife in tempering their own tendencies to sometimes “overdue it.”  Our wives have helped all of us to get back on track when we have gotten ourselves lost, to draw us back to prayer when we’ve strayed back to “the white knuckle method”, and to calming our nerves when we’re overheated.  Beyond our wives, the friends we hang out with also are key to temperance.  If the gang thinks a fine evening out is a night at the local strip joint, or an all-night drinking session at a local bar, or a round of golf highlighted by four-letter words, maybe they’re not the gang I should be running with.  How might the Wedding at Cana gone if the bride and groom had not invited Jesus and his blessed mother?

“Five minutes more.” 

Another idea for growing in temperance came out of the Lumen summit in Banf, and in particular from the talk given by our Naples Circle friend Andrew Abela.  Dean Abela gave a talk called, “Five minutes more.”  He said that a key to growing in virtue, especially when confronted with a strong temptation to engage in the opposite vice of that virtue (for instance, in over-indulgence instead of temperance), is to tell yourself, “I’ll hold out for five minutes more.”  Often, those extra five minutes can change our thinking and even our bodily chemistry, and the temptation passes.  And as Dean Abela stressed, “Everyone can give it five minutes more.”

Love conquers all. 

Another theme of the evening was the importance of Love.  When our hearts are filled with the love of Christ, and through Him the love of the other, temperance becomes much easier.  When we are in love, doing what is good for the other, the beloved, is natural and is desired above all else.  In the virtue of temperance, it is almost always the case that an in-temperate act hurts in someways the beloved.  It sometimes wrongs them or hurts their feelings, and for sure almost always sets a bad example that can cause the other(s) to be dragged down the same intemperate vortex we’ve found ourselves in.  Just thinking of the other at these moments, perhaps during those “five minutes more”, can help. 

Resolutions: 

1. Pray the Serenity Prayer as a Novena for the next nine days. 

2.  Pray the rosary with our spouse at least once during this week. 

3. “Practice the Pause”:  When tempted to intemperance, “Pause, Pray, Pray some more, then Proceed.”